Tagged Satire

Salon: Goldman Sachs announces presidential run

The conglomerate becomes the second corporate person to enter the 2012 race

-By K.M. Breay

November 25, 2011- Goldman Sachs, the global investment bank and financial services firm, announced Friday morning that it is running for president of the United States. The announcement was made at a farm near Waterloo, Iowa, by the musician Ted Nugent, who was hired to speak for the candidate. “We love oil and God and gasoline!” shouted Mr. Nugent, as he held aloft two semiautomatic machine guns and a sleeve of red-white-and-blue-painted grenades. “And we hate them people who don’t look American and drive those weird tiny cars and use big words!” Mr. Nugent kept his remarks brief and did not mention the candidate, Goldman Sachs, by name. At the end of his speech, the outspoken musician fired off several rounds of live ammunition, screamed, “Let’s go eat a live bear!” and then charged into the woods with the frenzied crowd following behind.

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